dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Randomize
