I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
