What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
