Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I need moral support for this bender
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
