i don't plan on having that self control this summer
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
