Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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