as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
