I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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