ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
