So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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