Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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