He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
