she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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