Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
