you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
