I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
