Cold hands, warm shart.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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