So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
that is very illegal...i love you.
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