Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
