If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
