she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
