Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
