i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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