Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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