Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
false alarm. still invincible.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
