I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Randomize
