I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
