I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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