Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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