The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
