I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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