i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
