This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
