if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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