Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
