I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
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can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
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We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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