you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize