Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
