I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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