Betty ford says i'm here all night
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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