for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
