It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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