when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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