Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
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The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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