If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize