Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
