i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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