my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize