You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
