So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
