plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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