All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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