Cold hands, warm shart.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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