she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
