So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
