my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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