it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
