I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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