Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
