Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
